Farewell to TTT.

I have actually talked my way out of therapy.

This time last year was a consistent mental hangover. Deployment was on the horizon. School was the most difficult it could be. I could go on and on but long story short, the trials and tribulations just did not fit in my back pocket any longer. I was physically losing my breath with the massive backpack it all required. I was literally out of breath daily and this is not an exaggeration. I experienced panic-attacks. I did it to myself. No, really. I mean where is the fine print that states we must be responsible for it all? The drama we create for ourselves internally...and the damage we do to ourselves...

I love my therapist. I love her so much that I had wept a tear or two when I realized that no longer attending a visit to her office meant the end of that relationship. For good. She is full of honesty and realism. Did I mention she is English and has a flair for sarcasm? This I love most. She is so blunt and 'real' that many people just cannot deal with her and quit going to her after one or two visits. She is not designed to tell you what you want to hear. This makes me love her more.

I have really learned how to cope with my internal drama on my own. Music and exercise have become my new therapists. No fancy medication.

I fell in love with 'Talk Therapy Thursday'(TTT) but now I have learned that I can internally talk myself through anxious moments and watch the anxiety train steam through and I come out unscathed. The world's problems are not mine to control, I do not have to have it all done today...but listening to MYSELF (even if people think I suck for doing so at times) and what I feel is good for ME (and my kids)is what matters.

Going to talk to someone about what ails me seems so 'weak' to some but I don't care. I can tell you, this woman never told me what I wanted to hear. Ever. Each session took a lot of strength and to admit to anyone that I feel weak is not easy. She never held onto my problems but deconstructed them and handed me some verbal tools that allowed me to take them on.

Final takeaway: English sarcasm/humor is the cure to all of my problems.