The past 10 1/2 months have been quite tumultuous. Obvious moments of intense anxiety...however, also moments of intense gratitude, love, selflessness, self-discovery, respect, and patience.
The anxiety of an impending deployment was upon us. However, when the words were delivered that Chris would be in charge of Rear Detachment for the deployment, anxiety was only one of the many emotions that would run through each of us individually and also as a couple. The start of the guys leaving felt worse than any feelings I had experienced when Chris deployed. I began to really 'see' the other spouses differently. I saw that many dealt with their husband/boyfriend leaving a heck of a lot more rationally than I had remembered of myself. Many would stand by their loved one until the bus pulled away and they could go no further. Not I. I dropped the boy off (with a family member driving) and did not even look over at the row of bags which would essentially spell out what was actually happening. Instead I ducked down in my seat and folded my body into the fetal position and cried...in fact, my dad commented how I needed to 'get it together'. The drive home was over an hour and I remembered having so much ache in my tummy and pain in my chest...plus, tears that would not stop. Watching the love of my life leave for what would be 16 months, or a year; as in the second deployment I would experience...brought this unbreakable, battle armored gal to her knees.
Just watching each family have their 'moments' before the deployment would begin was an out-of-body experience. I had to stay. I had to be there in case even just one person had a moment similar to my own. I had to explain the intense gut punch-like feeling that was oddly 'normal'. Yes, it feels much like saying your parting words as though you would never see him again. Each person managed their 'moment' and off they went.
The first week or so is often difficult. The gut punch feeling lessens. Once he got into country I felt like we could officially begin the time apart. There would still be rough days...even weeks...but for the most part, the new routine begins.
Much to my chagrin, this deployment would be largely different for us. The intense guilt...anxiety for each spouse/girlfriend...the struggle of deployment would be multiplied by each family member we would work with. I felt closer to each one individually. The role of FRG Leader would accompany this 'mama bear' feeling.
As we delve into the last half of the year long deployment for our company, there is still a lot going on and no shortage of aches and pains. The responsibility of the Army was never something I took on. I chose to live 75 miles away until last year and well...it is a life style I am certain that even the strongest spouse could not find comfort in right out of the gate. The plethora of others going through similar emotions does help in difficult times. The resources for coping through are endless. However, the need to 'escape' the Army-life bubble is something I can not deny and should also be a requirement.
In all, what remains crucial is realizing what you are getting yourself into...
**These lists will not be comprehensive. Feel free to comment and add on...
Do NOT marry a soldier just because:
1.) you want to be American
2.) you need insurance
3.) you want to see the world (oh, you may to a certain degree but there is NO guarantee where you will end up)
4.) you need a steady paycheck
5.) you don't want to work and he can support you
6.) he is a hottie
7.) you think you can be a part of 'something' bigger than the middle of nowhere town you are from
8.) you need to get out of the little town you grew up in
you must...
1.) deeply love and respect the soldier
2.) realize you have NO control and be OK with that
3.) realize that resenting the soldier or the Army will deteriorate your relationship
4.) be self-less
5.) be comfortable in your own skin and NOT be codependent on anyone but YOU
6.) learn when to ask for help
7.) realize having children is YOUR responsibility and it is likely there will be extended periods of time when you are raising them alone
8.) create a support system - even if your family is 3000 miles away
9.) learn the postal system
10.)find hobbies, sports, school, job, etc to fill the gaps of time and enrich your own life always
11.)open to finding time for yourself (see #6 -- within reason)
While this may NOT always be an option (as with any path you may choose) make it a priority!
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